We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
