what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
