Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
