he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
