Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I did not marry a roomba.
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