Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
