i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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