i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
