I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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