p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
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I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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