If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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