There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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