I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize