Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
