I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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