Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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