i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
