Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
