just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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