I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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