i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When are your genitals available?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
