Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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