He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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