cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
you never un-have a 4some
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
