9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
