Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
