were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
