the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
