nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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