in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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