I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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