No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize