I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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