I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
