Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
