Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
