The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
