I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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