so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
