Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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