that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
