he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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