if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
