i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
