No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
