Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
