His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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