my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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