I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
