He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
