wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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