I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
