If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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