OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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