I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
