Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
