he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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