it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
