I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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