Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
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Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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