It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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