haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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