Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Say something about gay babies.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
