Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
