I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
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Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
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How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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