her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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