Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
