I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
